Learn how to learn from those you disagree or even offend you. See if you can find the truth in what they believe.
That’s a line from Kevin Kelly’s wonderful book “Excellent Advice for Living”. I’ll review it properly later, but right now I’m using its wise little vignettes as writing prompts. Also following my post about practising handwriting, I’m writing most of my notes longhand using GoodNotes on my iPad, converting to text, and publishing as written. Raw and unfiltered, mostly.
My translation attempt: Learn to learn from those who hold different opinions or even offend you. Try to discover the truth they believe in.
Dealing with people who disagree isn’t fun. It slows everything down. The other person clings to views that contradict mine completely. We can’t move forward as hoped, and that’s frustrating. There are surely more important things to focus on. At least for me. But not for the person with the different opinion. For them, this disagreement is important enough to stop progress.
You have to learn to handle disagreement. Sure, I could dismiss it all as nonsense, ignore their views, and just push on. But that’s shortsighted. You’re only pushing it down, and it’ll surface again when you can least afford it — twice as strong.
We need to learn to handle other people’s opinions. Not just to clear up disagreements early, but to redirect our internal resistance into learning something. This isn’t about immediately sorting their arguments and facts into my worldview — that’s often impossible anyway. It’s about accepting that we’re all different and everyone gets their own opinion and truth.
The first step isn’t building counter-pressure. It’s staying calm. Don’t take it as an attack on your sacred beliefs. Use it as a chance to test your own truths and opinions. Double benefit: you work on your openness to others and break up those crusty old thought patterns that make you sluggish and inflexible.
The key word is “learning”. When I stay open instead of blocking everything out, I learn to handle disagreement with more composure. I can say calmly: “I see it differently, but tell me more.” Then just listen and let them talk. Listen, don’t try to convert them like I used to. Respect it as much as possible and remember: everyone’s different.
This kind of learning makes me more flexible in my thinking. And more interesting to talk to, probably.
From the archives of reinergaertner.de, running since 1997. Translated with AI help and my questionable bilingual proofreading. If you spot a Germanismus — that’s a feature, not a bug.