People love hearing questions like this. It implies you have strength and that it’s taken you somewhere. This question is one of those secret weapons when conversation stalls. Instead of awkward silence, you can just throw this out there and listen.
I’m listening to Arnd Zeigler’s podcast “Ball you need is love” with Benjamin von Stuckrad-Barre. Wonderful sharp topic changes in an entertaining podcast with a few gems worth capturing. Von Stuckrad-Barre reveals his three “comeback questions” that let you instantly fight your way back into any conversation:
1. “… for me it’s exactly the opposite. Like this …”: You simply take the last sentence you caught and push the conversation forward with improvisation. Important that your opposite goes in a completely different direction so it ignites. Otherwise you come across as a nitpicky know-it-all.
2. “Fantastic autobiography title!”: Take the last key statement and you can easily ask whether your conversation partner wants to write an autobiography, what the title and content might be. Buys you valuable time.
3. “That would be great on a tombstone!”: Similar concept to option 2, but you need to watch your intonation — can’t sound sarcastic.
4. “Where do you find the strength (and what does it do to you)?”: This is a bonus question Arnd Zeigler throws into the mix. Apparently it’s TV host Alexander Bommes’ favourite question.
There are plenty of other question formulas like this. I like “And how do you feel about that?” or the seemingly harmless but effective “And then?” or “What else?”
The advanced move is simply enduring the silence. Breathe deeply and wait until the other person speaks. But that doesn’t always work.
Just give it a try. Where do you find the strength for that?
From the archives of reinergaertner.de, running since 1997. Translated with AI help and my questionable bilingual proofreading. If you spot a Germanismus — that’s a feature, not a bug.